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coping
November 2009 
Mum
Posted on May 22nd, 2008
by 
Dolf
Dolf
I have been quiet for a while, for I had to get accustomed to a new situation in life and then went on a three-weeks' holiday.
Yes, the holiday was great, but sadly overshadowed by that new situation that I referred to. Fact of the matter is, that my mother has recently been diagnosed with lung cancer (being one of the few people who don't get it from smoking!) and has only a few months left to live.
This came as a total surprise and shock for all of us. My mum is almost 70 years old and was planning to reach a high age like her mother, who had turned 91. It was for her therefore initially a feeling of unfairness - why die so soon if other people get that old? Why get lung cancer if she hasn't smoked for thirty years and only sporadically before that? Thankfully, she has chosen to do chemo therapy to fight the inevitable as long as possible or as long as it extends her life in a qualitative manner.
I am myself going through a period of confusion and, still, disbelief. I just didn't accept this situation in the first place. This stuff happens to other people, not to us. But reality is harsh and I am getting accustomed to the sense of losing my mother some time soon. Strangely enough, it is a fortunate situation that my mum and all of us have quite some time to prepare for it and make the best of the time remaining.
Having grown beyond classical religious beliefs, I am not turning to some external God to pray to or to ask for intervention. Instead, I am struggling putting this situation in a more spiritual perspective, which turns out not to be easy. You may have read in other blog entries what my vision of the Non-dual is at the moment. But that brings not much comfort. Sure, my mum will live on in the eternal common consciousness, just like my oldest sister, who dies 20 years ago. But that doesn't help me at the personal level where I am losing my mother.
So rather than focusing on a transpersonal plane of existence, I need to stay on a personal level and do whatever is best for my mum at this moment. Make her life a joyful one to the extent possible. Send her energy through meditation to fight the cancer and live to the fullest. Just be with her now that it is still possible.
I hope you can send her all your positive thoughts, feelings and energy to let her have the best time possible.
Yes, the holiday was great, but sadly overshadowed by that new situation that I referred to. Fact of the matter is, that my mother has recently been diagnosed with lung cancer (being one of the few people who don't get it from smoking!) and has only a few months left to live.
This came as a total surprise and shock for all of us. My mum is almost 70 years old and was planning to reach a high age like her mother, who had turned 91. It was for her therefore initially a feeling of unfairness - why die so soon if other people get that old? Why get lung cancer if she hasn't smoked for thirty years and only sporadically before that? Thankfully, she has chosen to do chemo therapy to fight the inevitable as long as possible or as long as it extends her life in a qualitative manner.
I am myself going through a period of confusion and, still, disbelief. I just didn't accept this situation in the first place. This stuff happens to other people, not to us. But reality is harsh and I am getting accustomed to the sense of losing my mother some time soon. Strangely enough, it is a fortunate situation that my mum and all of us have quite some time to prepare for it and make the best of the time remaining.
Having grown beyond classical religious beliefs, I am not turning to some external God to pray to or to ask for intervention. Instead, I am struggling putting this situation in a more spiritual perspective, which turns out not to be easy. You may have read in other blog entries what my vision of the Non-dual is at the moment. But that brings not much comfort. Sure, my mum will live on in the eternal common consciousness, just like my oldest sister, who dies 20 years ago. But that doesn't help me at the personal level where I am losing my mother.
So rather than focusing on a transpersonal plane of existence, I need to stay on a personal level and do whatever is best for my mum at this moment. Make her life a joyful one to the extent possible. Send her energy through meditation to fight the cancer and live to the fullest. Just be with her now that it is still possible.
I hope you can send her all your positive thoughts, feelings and energy to let her have the best time possible.
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my thoughts are with your mum and you…thanks for sharing xxx
Perhaps the perspective can be: charising the fact that you were able to spend all those (many )and hopefully loving years together and that you are able to speak out and share anything you might not have shared yet in the time left. I wish you strength.
PS: I lost my mother when I was 16 due to a traffic accident - boom, gone in an instant. It took me 10 years to accept this situation, and many moments sharing with her what I should have shared with her when she was still alive. Therefor my personal advise is to tell her you love her every day that she has left.
Thank you both for your kindness.
I am not exactly a stranger to death myself. It happens to be exactly twenty years ago now that my eldest sister and her boyfriend were killed in an avalanche, only to be found two years later. I thought I had learned enough about death and mourning back then, but today’s events tell me that every case is different again.
Thanks for your advice on sharing everything that needs to be shared - I will certainly do so!